Have you hit a rough spot in your marriage when it comes to your sex life?  Is it just not the same anymore as it used to be?  Do you have a lack of physical attraction to your partner?  Or can you simply not find the time anymore due to work or children?

Reasons For a Low Sex Drive

Mismatched Desire

The problem may lie in the fact that you and your partner have different desires when it comes to sex.  Having a low desire may cause your partner to feel rejected.  Having a high desire may cause your partner to feel overwhelmed.  Finding a balance is key.

Hectic Lives

You come back from the honeymoon and real life hits you.  You both may have full time jobs, are overworked, have five little rascals running around the house, are too tired and simply cannot find the time to physically be with one another.  It’s extremely important that you nurture your relationship no matter what your duties are on a day-to-day basis.  Sex is a main component of any marriage and needs to be nurtured just as every other aspect of your marriage.  Just as you discuss your finances together you ought to make time to talk about your sex life.  Marriage is a bond between the two of you that needs to consistently be taken care of to become stronger and stronger.

How to Wake Up Your Sex Life

  • If you have a low desire try to be honest about the root of the problem.  If you are not sure why, I suggest you take some time to think about what may be the cause.  Are you frustrated with your partner?  Are you not enjoying intimacy with your partner anymore?
  • If you cannot find the time to be with your partner due to a hectic schedule I would encourage you to set aside time for just the two of you.  If it needs to be a scheduled time then so be it.
  • If your partner seems to have lost his/her desire for intimacy with you I would encourage you to sit down and talk about it in a nonaggressive, understanding manner.
  • Learn your partner’s love language.  It is important to know what your partner’s needs are.  What does your partner need from you?
  • Be adventurous.  Do something different.  Stir up the excitement again that has been lost.
  • Adjust your expectations. Make sure you are not enslaved by the unrealistic ideas society and the media hold about your sex life.  What you see in movies, TV shows, or advertisements is not reality.
  • Remember the love you have for each other.  Remember why you got married.
The longer couples are married at some point it is normal to have different sex drives.  It is important that the couple discuss the challenges so that they can work through it together.  It is also important that the spouse who has the higher sex drive be compassionate and understanding toward the spouse that is experiencing the lower sex drive.  It can only be a season if the two of you work through it together versus create more challenges in the relationship because of it. 

About the Author:

Janie is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, National Certified Counselor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist in Orlando, Florida. Janie believes that everyone has a story. These stories give meaning and purpose to the chaos of everyday life. Janie believes that people can get stuck in their life with unhealthy coping mechanisms, unhealed past traumas or wounds deep inside themselves. Janie invites people to take a journey with her to discover their own life story by helping them make connections with their behavior and needs, recognize the patterns, as well as why they have developed those patterns. Janie's passion is to walk alongside individuals as they face past wounds to create healing in their lives.

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